I find myself…

People don’t always seem to like that I am a confident person.

Maybe because I’m young.  Maybe because I’m a woman.

I really don’t know.  But I have had many confirm this – one person told me I came across as someone who needed to be knocked down a peg.

Wanting people to like me, I’ve come up with some adaptations in my behavior.

I criticize myself and talk myself down ALL the time.

I talk about being insecure, sloppy, forgetful, clumsy, making mistakes, being disorganized, etc.

Most of it is true – I’m just more forthcoming than others in sharing the inner critiques we all have so no one thinks I’m “too cocky”.

As a result, people find the need to “help” me more.

Essentially, they think I am not able to figure things out on my own, so they give me lots of helpful suggestions that make me feel like they don’t think I’m competent in my work – or my person-hood.  It’s frustrating to say the least.

I find myself caught between wanting to be liked and wanting to be seen as competent.

Can’t I have both?


Not a woman…

Guess I’m not a woman.

It’s not news to me.

When I try to fit in the box

I bust out you see.

I never worried about all the rules

but I learned I was wrong early in school.




my manners

my dress

were always abated

The feminist ideal must have gone away

because it feels I’m alone in my quasi-masculine way


So sure I was girls could do what they wanted

now I spend my time arguing not all women are daunted


I’m not a woman
don’t want to be man
Just being me the best that I can

To hard to argue not all are the same
So don’t call me a gender, just call me by name.



© Stefanie K Fauth, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stefanie Fauth with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Today I had another appointment to have my neck worked on after an accident.
I’ve had a terrible neck since I was young – and this accident has re-wrecked it.
I’m also trying to work on my posture – which in this photo, you can see is just terrible.

Note the hunched nature of shoulders and forward position of head

Note the hunched nature of shoulders and forward position of head

While talking with the chiropractor, he pointed to the fact that the exercises were about posture, and I said when I showed my family how I should be standing, they made fun of me for looking like I was sticking my boobs out.

He said that it’s a real problem for girls – posture turns to garbage once they start to develop. He told me it isn’t even the fact that they cause stress due to heavier weight – it’s that girls are ashamed of their bodies and are slouching to hide their breasts.

I was immediately enraged – I knew he was right!
What I wonder is, why should they be ashamed of their bodies? I appreciate modesty to an extent – please dress in a way that your grandma would be able to look at you without grimacing, but why should a young woman have to feel ashamed about a part of her adulthood? Why can’t she stand up tall and proud without worry of leering eyes or judgement from her peers?

Stand up, ladies – be proud of your God created beauty, and do your best to ignore judgmental or leering glances – you are a loved child of God, and your body – your spine – shouldn’t have to suffer because of a societal judgment!


The other night, one of my best friends and I went to Sky Zone.  It’s a trampoline park in the Twin Cities, and we had a great time (except for when my old, fat butt had to rest, then just Kristen jumped and had a great time).

I was disheartened, however, by what I saw in the teenage display laid before me.  Yes, since this was 10 pm on a Saturday night, we were surrounded by a group of teenagers – even the workers.  Oldest manager must not have been more than 20.  It’s weird to feel this old!  The age thing wasn’t what bothered me though.

What bothered me was watching the young woman who was working there, monitoring the courts.  There were a bunch of young men acting like idiots (they were 16, it happens) and when they’d break the rules, she’d holler  and rather than stopping it, they’d make a silly comment, or tell her to “make them stop.”  It was borderline harassment  and she just shrugged her shoulders and kept looking at others.

At one point, on one of my many rest breaks, she caught on that I was frustrated.  I said to her, “There’s no way they’d still be here, acting like that if I were working.”  She smiled and said to me in a really saccharine-laced voice, “Yeah, they are pretty annoying, huh.”  “Not as annoying as you letting it continue,” I thought.

This was all par for the course – as a youth worker, I’m used to those who take the, ‘sigh and move on’ approach when a young person ignores your yelling at them.  I’m not one of those people, which might explain why my voice is often hoarse and my groups fear a red face.

The thing that disturbed me was that when a coworker, a young man, came up to watch the trampolines, and one of these jerks did something against the rules, if he yelled, they stopped, with little to no sass.  I was pissed.

First of all, this coworker saw those guys acting that way and didn’t back his coworker up – he wouldn’t have had to take over, but encourage her to enforce those rules.  Secondly, I realized that as a young woman, she felt she had no authority to actually get them to stop.  I’m not talking physically, but taking them off the trampolines and giving them a warning, and following through if she had to.  She did none of that, and when stuff got really ugly, she turned her back on it.  It was more important to smile, and be having a good time, and look cute, I suppose.

I also saw that several girls, rather than show off their very capable flips (I saw it before guys showed up) kept falling and giggling and asking for help.  Even now, as a woman, showing ability and strength isn’t valued?  

What is wrong with this world that we live in – women of the generations past marched with signs, burned their bras and gave up their time to get equal rights, and here we are, so many laws protecting us, and we use it how?  By feeling that as a girl we don’t have the authority to stop someone when we are supposed to be keeping order and safety in a public place?   Frustrating.

Women have the ability to do anything with their lives – including marrying and bearing children – but are men so threatened by a strong women that we feel we must act demure in order to secure a mate?  I remember doing it myself.  Those relationships always ended – and badly.  Now that I’m my, “I can lift those heavy objects myself, and hammer a nail, change my oil, etc. thank you very much” self, I have a husband whom I love, I enjoy spending time with, and he knows me in and out, and loves my toughness.

I won’t ask if I’m lucky, because I consider myself very lucky to have a partner who is actually mad when people assume he should be listed first when we purchase things, or if I’m listed as, “Mrs. Your Husband” on anything.  But am I so very unique to have a husband that loved me for myself – the qualities that may not have been seen as “lady-like” and those that were?

I know it isn’t as easy as this, and that there do exist people that are themselves, but I wonder, what can we do to encourage women to stand up for themselves in situations like I saw at Sky Zone – and how can we encourage young men to embrace the idea that even if a girl can kick your butt in a sport, or carry heavy items instead of you, she might be worth spending time with?